AGONY AUNT: SEX AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
ILLUSTRATION: KATE MILLER C/O THE CENTRAL ILLUSTRATION AGENCY WWW.CENTRALILLUSTRATION.COM
OUR agony aunt gets to the heart of your sex and relationship problems...
I’ve just discovered that my partner has been lying about her age. I always knew she was older than me but I thought she was in her late thirties.
It turns out she’s actually 50, so there’s no chance of the children I hoped we’d have. She’s begging me to forgive her and give the relationship another chance. Should I?
I don’t think so. This whole relationship has been under false pretences. Even if she never gave you a false age, she must have known what you thought and she let you go on believing it – so basically she has used deceit to trap you. Quite apart from the issue of children – which is reason enough to leave if that’s what you want – you can’t spend the rest of your life with someone who is prepared to lie to you like this. I’m sorry to be blunt, but this woman has to go.
I’m worried that my father’s new lady friend is hitting him. I’ve noticed bruises on his arms, and the last time I saw him she went as if to punch him when he made a comment that irritated her.
She tried to pretend it was just horseplay but the look on his face was pure fear. My father is very proud and old-fashioned and I just don’t know how to talk to him about this.
When people say they don’t know how to say something, they usually mean they daren’t. Your worries can be put very simply in just a few words, as you’ve done in this letter. And if your father is in danger of physical harm you must say them to him. Even if he refuses to discuss the matter, at least press the number of The Men’s Advice line (0808 801 0327, www.mensadviceline.org.uk) into his hand. Make sure he knows that you are there for help and support, day or night, and if your suspicions are confirmed, show this woman that someone in your family is prepared to stand up to a bully.
We have just had our first child, and my wife has become obsessed with doing everything “by the book”.
The word of her favourite expert is law and there’s no room for going with the flow or even basic common sense. I’m the eldest of seven children and our mother was never like this. It’s driving me mad – am I being unfair?
First-time parenthood is a daunting business and many new mums find a strict routine very reassuring. But your wife will loosen up as she finds out for herself what works and what doesn’t, and I bet even your mum wasn’t as relaxed when you were a baby as she was when your younger siblings arrived. It may feel as if you’re stuck down a long, dark tunnel at the moment, but children have a habit of growing up very quickly and this stage will soon pass.
Contact Jane at S Magazine, Ground Floor, Northern & Shell Building, 10 Lower Thames Street, London, EC3R 6EN or email jane.ogorman@express.co.uk. Jane regrets that she cannot reply personally to your letters.
ILLUSTRATION: KATE MILLER C/O THE CENTRAL ILLUSTRATION AGENCY WWW.CENTRALILLUSTRATION.COM
